Its 8.08am in the morning amazing usually I'd slept through 12pm or by earliest at least 10am in the morning. Damn wad a dream but hell I was tear-ing from it. Many times I force myself to do things I by instincts would usually not do.
You probably would never come across this but well hack cause even if you do come across you wouldn't even know if I'm refering to you xq.. I known you since u were 11 thats about 6 years i guess but no one would probably guess that we would become good friends even to the extend that i fell in love with you, but before that I've always known you were for another never me.
I backed myself off from that competition, zw was my best regarded friend that time the only one who understood me well and better than most, from other friends who dig into our relationships from you who should well be aware of my feelings from those who gossiped 'bout us or even from me when words escaped from me when caught unguarded. Its true but well I don't pursue it because love or jealousy at my age at that time probably would turn into possessiveness.
Maybe I was wrong to have left and avoided you and only talk for that maybe 15 to 20 minute when I sent you home at saturday nights after church as a friend not good friend just.. friend where usually is with cm and pt, kz joined later but well i had to play things out properly else there would be trouble to no end by the leaders and vivan whom i so damn hated at that time cause unknowingly she always wants to exercise her control over me. I know damn well that she'll hammer me with all those fucking questions just to make me blurt out all those things I want to hide my secrets.
-- Thats one of the reasons that let me left the church. Probably unveiled the first time, theres 2 others maybe in time I would write it out here as well.
Even fake another thing out with liking cynthia-theresa just to make sure things look real and those leaders would focus on just me instead of you. Funny, I even remember leon asking me "hey **** you like cynthia ar?" I faked, looking down doing all those shy boy actions then 'No' was a pretty convincing act I thought, leon replied "She's a good girl, please take care of her" haaz... The bait is totally on like me hooking onto the fish now just to let it flee back to its colony hooked and to show me more preys. --
There was a few times when I had almost lost control of myself first when you were sick I took a cab and sent you home. I struggled to even keep myself together from crazed ideas just to make sure you're ok.
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